Bacon and Electrocution

Can we talk a bit about this new containment device "The Electric Fence".  Suspension of disbelief allows me to imagine that Dogs are not protected under the Geneva Convention and are allowed to be tortured but this is not a movie people!  This is happening all over the world.

You go and pick out a puppy, you love him you carry him, you buy him chew toys, you brush him and laugh at his antics.  You assume that he will love you back and be your faithful companion and never leave your side, correct?  WRONG - you force him to stay by your side by putting a giant collar with a walkie talkie attached that tells the street he's coming and electrocutes him.

I expect to hear from CNN or Dateline or even Geraldo Rivera for an expose of this abhorrent treatment of "Mans Best Friend".

If you are truly scared that you have not treated your pet well enough and he may run off to live with a much kinder and more generous with their bacon human there are more humane steps you can take:

• Bacon
• Never Stop patting your dog (why would you anyway?)
• Bacon
• Stop worrying about your shoes - it's really selfish of you
• Bacon
• Couch - You claim to love your dog but clearly you love your couch more (shame on you)
• Bacon

If you are still confused, please look up sharing and bacon on the computer and put the two together.  I promise you if there is enough bacon,  I'm not going anywhere.

Here is what you need to know:

We love you.  When you are on the couch, We must both be on the couch.  Your comfort in these situations is of no concern to us.  When you are in the bathroom, we want to be in the bathroom, when you go in the car...are you joking? We absolutely want to be in the car.  We don't even think we have to talk about when you are eating dinner, frankly we are not always proud of our behavior when you are eating.  When it was just me I could be a little lazier about my begging but when you brought another "mans best friend" into the house - all bets were off.   Same amount of food - two dogs and one of them from a shelter.  Come on, even you could see I needed to step it up.

Here is something else you need to know.  When that doorbell rings.....I am never going to stay.  I have a visitor. I will, really both of us will greet that visitor with the kind of enthusiasm they deserve.  Allergies are of no concern to us and frankly we are not even buying that excuse... Really?  I am allergic to nothing, what is this magic that we have that makes you sneeze?  Why doesn't it make you sneeze when your mouth is full of something we want.  That never happens.

Now that that's out there maybe you will stop making a fool of your self. And yes.... I would like a treat, why do you even ask..smh